We're buying new windows.

Shoot me now.

I'd rather dig a hole to China that learn about new windows.

Ever embarked on this journey? The extortion + creepy sales pitch = I need to take a shower NOW equation??

If you know me at all -- you're well aware that I'm a former consumer reporter. I never buy without shopping around. So, sure, I'm getting 6 estimates. Punishing? Of course. Low end. High end. People whose TV ads I recognize and little guy Mom and Pops who can hardly afford a line or two in the Yellow Pages. Everyone gets an equal shot at my business. I like to get everyone out to my house for a little "fun." But just like my grocery store self-check torture -- this, too -- is my own little world of pain.

I live in a nice neighborhood. In the city. Good people. Close to bad people. You know the drill. I have a good sized house with 16 windows. Bad drafts. No screens. Original windows from the 1960s. It's time for an overhaul.

I like to place half my calls for estimates under my maiden name, Bell, and half under my married name. About 70 percent of people who hear Wendy Bell recognize it in some fashion. No one who hears my married name would make any connection. Another ploy of mine. Does Wendy Bell get ripped off more than her married counterpart? Or does her TV self get a better deal? Bring it.

I've had three of my six estimates so far and am still not sold. Everyone has a different pitch. Rip this out, put this in, this window tilts, this one self cleans, this one serves no purpose but is cool nonetheless. And the prices are coming in all over the place. A $4,000 difference?? Come ON. And I'm just getting started!

So what's the average person to do? Carve out countless hours for window people and their tape measures to invade their privacy, take their "measurements" and snoop around? Yep. You got it. I'm carving as we speak. I intend for every window joint in town to stop by. And whomever gives me the best product and the best price will be shouted from the moutain tops. Do these people think we don't talk? Don't share?? Ha! I'll start my neighborhood's own Craig's List!!

So -- do me a favor. If you know of a quality window installer who's not intent on ripping me off... um... okay... IF that person exists... you have 'em contact me, won'tcha? Because this is going to make one HECK of a news story!!